The Truth is in the Perspective

Basketball was the first love of my life. I started playing when I was four, and dedicated a large portion of my life to the game. It was through basketball that a stranger (we’ll call him Dylan) became my brother. We helped each other through the hardest times of our early lives, many of which were owed to the game we loved. Before our senior year in high school he went through some difficult family problems. He transferred to a rival high school to play for our former coach – a friend of my family, and a father figure in Dylan’s life. December 23^rd, 2002, marked the first time we would ever compete as opponents. In August, three months before the season began, we made a vow. In a simple gesture to honor our friendship, we decided we would wear the other’s number underneath our own jersies. I have never been so excited for a game, nor wanted to beat someone so bad.

I was team captain and had been starting since my sophomore year. The day of the game, for reasons beyond my knowledge, I was removd from the starting lineup. I saw my first action with just three minutes left, down by 20 points. After the game, almost as if they had just recognized what happened to me, every member of the opposing team embraced me. My own team didn’t even acknowledge it. The opposing coach pulled me aside and told me to “stay up.” He said the team would fall apart without me. I watched the next two games from the bench, playing garbage time at the end of each game. My coach told me wearing Dylan’s number was a betrayal to the team, and he no longer trusted me. The next day, New Year’s Eve, I handed in my jersey and walked away from the game that I had dedicated my life to.

When I share this story with people it’s because I’m looking for a certain reaction (sometimes for as shallow a reason as a little sympathy affection from a pretty girl), and I almost always get it. I tell the story as I perceive it. I tell it from the memory of my emotional pain. It is my testimonial to what I believe was an injustice. The reaction I look for is reassurance that I did the right thing. More often than not my community validates my actions, giving credence to any pain I suffered.

Important to consider here is that while I told the truth, it was my truth. Not once has anyone asked me for my coach’s side of the story. When I tell my story, no one ever seems to consider my coach’s perspective. Imagine you’re a coach in your first year with a team full of disciplinary issues. Your captain, Nespo, is the only senior on a young team. Nespo has a very strong personality, and a name to match. His parents are both tenured teachers. His dad is the last coach to lead our basketball program to a championship, and is now the head coach of the golf team. Nespo’s recently deceased grandfather is a former school board president, served as Chairman for the town’s Chamber of Commerce, and served on the state’s Board of Governors for many years. His family is well respected by the town and school board, and remains influential in school related matters. Nespo and his father retain a close relationship with the former vasiry coach who now coaches at a rival school. During the last off-season Nespo took part in work outs with the rival school. He is best friends with their best player – a kid who turned his back on your town by leaving to play for a rival. There are rumors that Nespo regularly attends the rival’s games with his dad when you do not have practice or games. Early in the season Nespo called an impromptu meeting with you and the team’s starters (including your son), and proceeded to challenge you. He challenged your disciplinary actions – challenged you to take control of the team. In other words, he questioned your ability to do your job. Now, on the night of a league game with major playoff implications, he displays his loyalty to the opponent within his own locker-room. What would you do?

Perceptions. We all have our own, and often history is shaped by the one that is shared most often and most emphatically. But what happens when we recognize the other side of the story? Witnessing events from dual perspectives is important in finding commonality and potential resolutions. It is difficult, but even when our own perceptions appear to be legitimate it is important to at least consider the other perspective. We can apply this valuable lesson to worldly matters like the continued Israeli and Palestinian conflict. True peace cannot be reached unless all injustices are addressed.