Make a very special woman's 90th birthday as special as she is

A few years ago, while working at a children's charity in Boston, I answered a call requesting a home visit to pick up donations. That wasn't something we typically did, but it was only 3 miles down the road, and it was an 87 year old Italian woman who crocheted a few dozen baby hats and mittens for Christmas. I ended up talking to her for two hours. Over the next few years, every couple of months - especially at Christmas time - she'd call me up to donate some goodies she and her sister had put together, along with a homemade dinner. She always referred to herself as my surrogate great-grandmother. She treated me like family when I was 400 miles from home.

Mary Valentino never had children of her own.  She doesn't have any money.  But what little she has, she gives to others.  She's spent thousands of hours over her lifetime using her hands to make blankets for Father Bill's in Quincy, MA.  With the little money she has, she tries to help as many charities as she can.  $5 here.  $10 there.  With the help of her sister, Nelda, she shops the local consignment shops for the best deals on children's clothing which she donates to Cradles to Crayons.

A few months after I moved to Philadelphia I was going through some challenging times.  One day I came home from work and there was a note from her waiting for me on the table when I got home from work. She had handwritten her favorite prayer and told me she's been saying it for me for months.

I said a prayer for you today
and know God must have heard.
I felt the answer in my heart
although He spoke no word.
I didn't ask for wealth or fame.
I knew you wouldn't mind.
I asked Him to send treasures
of a far more lasting kind.

I asked that He be near you
at the start of every day.
To grant you health and blessing
and friends to share your way.
I asked for happiness for you
in all things great and small.
But it was for his loving care
I prayed the most of all.

On January 9th Mary turns 90 years old.  My real grandmother passed away this last October.  The out-flowing of love I saw for her was a gift everyone should be so lucky to experience.  I want Mary to be so lucky.  She deserves it.  Please join me in celebrating 90 years of a beautiful person.  Let's show Mary that she has not only touched the lives of every person she's met, and every person who has ever benefited from her generosity, but that her generosity has inspired hundreds of people she's never met.

Options to send Mary a birthday card:
A. Drop off your card at Nespoli Jewelers or Fuel Fitness in Berwick PA by December 29th

B. Mail the card addressed to Mary Valentino to me at 513 Queen Street, Philadelphia PA 19147 by January 2nd.  I will hand deliver them to Mary that weekend.  I will FedEx all of the cards I receive after that to Mary's sister who will hand deliver them to Mary on her birthday.

C.  Make a donation in her name to Cradles to Crayons at www.cradlestocrayons.org  

D.  Share this with anyone you know.  Or share the Facebook event page.

Thank you for your kindness

The Real Nespo's Guide to Not Being An Asshole

1. If you’re about to do something that you’d call someone else an asshole for doing to you, whatever you’re about to do will make you an asshole.  Stop.  Do something else.  Buy them a cookie.
2. If you make generalizations about someone in association with stereotypes regarding race, gender, sexual preference, ethnicity or age, the following happens:
1. Your statement immediately becomes inaccurate.
2. You, as a person, look and sound ignorant.
3. Everyone within ear shot who has any sense of reasoning or humanity will think you’re an asshole.
4. They will be right.
3. When you don't agree with something someone says, if you call that person an idiot and attack them personally instead of providing a substantial counter-point to the argument, chances are good that you're an asshole.  Or in over your head, in which case you should abstain from speaking.  Personal attacks are not conducive to conversation or solutions - just more asshole behavior in retaliation to your personal attacks.
4. Act only in good faith, with good intentions.  But understand we’re all ignorant to some degree.  Acting with good intentions alone does not guarantee we do the right thing.  Further, we can’t guarantee our actions are perceived the way we intend them.  Which brings me to guideline 5.
5. If you find yourself being an asshole by accident, you are still being an asshole.  Own up to it, apologize, and – when possible – make up for it.
6. Doing something in the name of faith, country, or some other “altruistic” reason, does not make an asshole action acceptable.  It makes you a hypocritical douche.  Don’t be a hypocritical douche, asshole.
7. Revenge is not a synonym for justice, but integrity is. 
8. Don’t act or speak in anger.  Everyone is an asshole when they’re mad. 
9. Learn tact.  "I'm just being honest" is not a free pass to say hateful, hurtful things.
10. "Get a job" is not an acceptable response when someone living on the street asks you for change.  Instead, look that person in the eye and say "sorry ma'am (or sir), not today."  
11. If you begin a statement with the phrase "Does it make me an asshole if...," the answer is yes.  Add whatever follows that phrase to the list of things you shouldn't say or do.
12. If anything on this list makes you feel defensive, that should be a sign.  It means you're probably, on some level, an asshole.  Review guidelines 1-11 and try to be a better human being.

Am I missing an important guideline?  Email me: JoshNespoli at Gmail.com

The Real Nespo: Sports Fan

I attended my first Celtics game on Friday, April 23, 1993. I was 9 years old. Want to talk about a dream? Original Boston Garden. 2nd row. Courtside. Yeah…I know….

I was so close I actually reached out and touched Chief. I didn’t wash my hand for a month. Yeah….I know….

It was Kevin McHale’s last regular season home game before he retired. He was unbelievable, finishing the game with 17 pts and 11 rebounds in a 107-99 winning effort against the 54 win Cleveland Cavaliers and their wiley guard Mark Price. Good enough to earn him him Player of the Game honors (sponsored by Budweiser?).

I’m from a little hick town in of 10,000 people in Pennsylvania. It was during that game that I decided I was going to move 400 miles to live in Boston and root for the greatest sports team ever – the Boston Celtics.

15 years, 10 losing seasons, one Reggie Lewis death, one “he who shall not be named” (hint: rhymes with Dick Shitino) and a heavily Celtics-influenced decision to attend Babson College (Wellesley, MA) later, I finally made it to Boston – just in time for the first banner season in 22 years.

And it was worth it.

Haiti needs our help. So does the United States.

I've got a lot of mixed emotions on our nation's unbelievably inspiring response to the crisis taking place in Haiti.

On one hand, I am extremely proud of the individuals responsible for our response to the devastation that took place in Haiti. I recognize that the United States has the ability to help....we as individuals often have the ability to help....and I feel that gives us, as human beings, the obligation to do what we're capable of.

On the other hand, I'm deeply saddened that it takes a tragedy of this level to bring people together and inspire those with means to contribute. The truth is, this outflow of generosity and giving needs to happen EVERY day. ... See More

There are over 80,000 kids under the age of 12 in MASSACHUSETTTS who are homeless. To me, with the resources we have in this country going unused, is unacceptable. What our country has done for Haiti is phenomenal. It's necessary. Anyone who denounces it should be ashamed of themselves. But why does it have to begin and end with tragedy? Why can't these same people who are stepping up now recognize the problems we have here at home and do something about it?

Fate is nothing but the opportunities life places before us. Destiny, on the other hand, is determined by what we choose to do with those opportunities. Our character determines our destiny. It's our choice. Choose wisely....second chances are not guaranteed. Rarely even promised. Almost never deserved.......

How Long Should We Mourn the Death of a Dream?

Have you ever been wrong? I don't mean wrong like stating that Wilt Chamerbalin was the greatest player of his era, when it is very clearly (and rather undebateable) Bill Russell. I'm not even referring to someone asking you a question that you think you know the answer to but you're just flat out incorrect.

I'm talking about never being so sure of something in your entire life - so sure, in fact, that it was an important factor in many of your life decisions - only to find out that everything you thought you knew...was wrong. Everything you thought existed was an illusion - a lie. Have you ever been THAT wrong?

Wow... What then? What comes next?

How long do we allow ourselves to mourn for the death of a dream? To lament the loss of our last thread of innocence before complete sinicism assumes control?

How long do we get to feel sorry for ourselves for being a fool before it's time to pick ourselves up and find a new dream?

Is one day enough? A year too much?

It's interesting what the freedom of being wrong can bring with it. When we are THAT wrong we can suddenly find ourselves with absolutely nothing to hold us back from pursuing some of the life paths we have put on hold. No ties. No obligations. No longer paralyzed by a false sense of hope.

In a way, dreams can be blinding. Don't get me wrong, without dreams we have nothing. But dreams based on a fallacy or miscalculation (a dream of the worst kind - doomed to fail from the very beginning because of our own mistake) can blind us to any semblance of truth. These kind of dreams can allow us to create our own reality where anything can be taken as a sign that only pulls us in deeper. Where the truth, that we're on the wrong track, can smack us in the face over and over again - but in our warped state of mind, driven by blind ambition and certainty that we know something no one else does, we accept these truths at nothing more than another challenge to our goal. Just one more little obstacle to overcome. And how glorious will it be when we can show everyone just how wrong they were.....

I was wrong once. So wrong, in fact, that on far more than one occassion I let what I thought I knew get in the way of my ultimate life goals. A few years later I finally learned what I knew was wrong. It took me all of a few hours after that to realize how stupid I had been, and just how much time I had lost, before I started putting myself back on track for where I want my life to lead. Within hours I was planning the next phase of my life, and I was surprised to see how little it had to do with where I was actually at. Suddenly I was free - and motivated again - to retake the reigns of my life and start living up to the potential I was told I had.

But I haven't yet forgiven myself for my foolishness - for all of the time wasted. In many ways it saddens me. Which is why I ask the question: How long can we mourn the death of a dream? Is one day enough? A year too much?

Foolish is the man who puts himself in a position to be made a fool.